A large part of this project is being detailed and being able to put ideas into action. Before I can get to the list, I need to contemplate the end results- not that being a better version of myself if ever going to have a definitive end, but for the purposes of this project, I need to have an idea!
When I am a proper adult, I will have proper money in the bank and knowledge of it, not be afraid to call customer service, have a husband, be able to have people over for dinner without an aneurysm, know about art and culture and and and…
The Adult Me:
- Has delightful living conditions
This is the first one I’m dealing with – finding a new place to live. It’s daunting and entirely unenjoyable. However, it’s really important to me to like where I live. So once I find it, I’d like to work on making it as good as it can be.
- Has organised finances
I earn a salary and I have some savings. I have an ISA, some current accounts and a pension. On the face of it, I’m doing okay. However, I don’t have a real budget. I don’t know if I’m using my money in a smart way. I ignore money because I don’t really understand it. I’d like to start putting money away for trips, because I would like to go on some trips abroad, but the huge expense puts me off. I would like to have better control over my money, rather than being nervous about it.
- Is a fabulous friend
I’d like to be both more relaxed and make more of an effort with my friends. I’d like to not take it personally when I don’t hear from people and also push myself to make more phone calls, make more visits, do more things, to be more engaged and more involved.
- Is a great hostess
When I lived with my parents, it felt like we only panic-cleaned the house when people were coming. My mum would yell a lot when guests were due and it was generally stressful for all involved. I would love to be like my friend Fritzi who can spontaneously ask people to dinner that evening, have people to stay over on a whim and casually throw a party with a minimum of shopping or cooking. It’s part attitude and part planning. I love people and I’d love for them to feel welcome around me.
- Is decidedly relaxed
The last few months have been quite stressful for me, for a variety of reasons, and I’ve noticed some frustrating habits. While I’m clearly always going to be a person who thrives on her own personal drama and can’t switch off her brain, I want to be able to handle my anxiety and stress better. It’s exhausting and counter productive.
- Is confident in the kitchen
I don’t know how I learned to cook. I don’t know that I ever really did. I have about ten things that I can make from scratch – with or without a jar of sauce – and sometimes I can’t even do those well. My sister had to learn to cook. She is super at it. She does not freak out and burn things because she wandered off to do laundry. I would like to develop my menu repertoire and develop some disciplines in the kitchen. I’d like to feel confident to cook for someone, rather than wildly panicked when it looks like I may have to provide food.
- Has a good husband
I want to get married one day. I don’t know if I would like children of my own, but I know I would like to be married. From what I can gather, husbands don’t just turn up one day, so I’m going to have to do something slightly more productive to find one. Also, he needs to be a good one, not just any random husband.
- Is brave (braver)
This is very nebulous and clearly needs to be drilled down. Things that make me nervous: new things, money, unexpected bills, dentists, new technology, going somewhere new, parties, new people, standing up for myself, complaining productively, dealing with conflict, upsetting people, talking on the phone. I don’t know how to fix this. I’d like to learn how to manage this nervousness better and be a little more confident.
- Is respectful of her skin
There are bad habits I have that drive me to distraction and needlessly, carelessly hurt my skin. I pick at my cuticles, I pick at scabs, I pull out hairs, I squeeze things, I let my skin get too dry, I let my feet get really hard. The adult me doesn’t do any of these gross things. She looks after herself. Just while typing this list I’ve picked at the cuticles on three of my fingers for no reason. It is ridiculous.
- Has a career plan
I’m still in my first post-university job. As positions go, it pays relatively well, the stress is manageable, my colleagues are pleasant, the work is fine. However, it doesn’t set me on fire. My role has changed over the last eight years and each change has given me enough of a challenge to put off seriously considering what I want from a career. I’d like to work out what I’d actually like to do with my career and how I could make that happen. I’m not bothered about making millions, I’m bothered about being stimulated.
- Knows about art and culture
London is filled with art and music and museums and history and films and exhibitions and I go to so few of them. I want to like more art and to like it, I have to get to know it. Being more cultured can’t hurt- it can only expand and transport.
- Finishes projects
I am the worst procrastinator. I will start things and get excited about them and then feel ashamed and guilty when that fizzles out and I wilfully forget about them. I’d like to be a person who finishes things and gets things done. I want finished photo albums and scrapbooks, completed needlework, submitted books and crossed off lists. This is how I’ll do it.
There are other things, of course, but for now, that’s enough to be getting on with!
Next: how to get there!